Thoughts on faith, life, and art.
7. Meeting the family.
I thought about calling this post, “You had me at good vocabulary.” The title would have been appropriate since the next phase of our relationship really developed as we wrote back and forth to each other. I mean for seriously, who uses words like “eschew,” and “accoutrements?” Andrea does. And let me tell you, intelligence is so attractive! Anyway, all those details wouldn’t have made for an interesting story. Most of our correspondence was a continuation of our conversation in the car—you know, the DTR. I knew that she was hesitant about jumping straight into a relationship, so I did my best to reassure her that there was absolutely no pressure, and she could back out at any time. I told her I was just dancing on the doorstep of her heart, and she didn’t have to open the door unless she was absolutely convinced it was safe. In that short month, we only had two dates from the “let’s take it slow” talk, to a month later when we met each other’s families—the real topic of this post. The first was not really even a date, as much as it was us going to a karaoke party together. Again, we stopped by Whole Foods for a snack. It was there that she introduced me to my first Colombian food—plantain chips. I mean, sure, gringos eat plantains too, but I’d never had them before. The platano is a regular part of Colombian cuisine, and as a proud Colombian, she was thrilled to introduce them to me. Two weeks later, we had our first official real date. This time we went to a coffee shop and it felt so surreal that I was on an actual date, with an actual girl that I actually liked. As we talked, she kept pulling out a little purple notebook and writing in it. When I asked her about it, she said she was capturing all the fun rabbit trails we went down so she could remember them. That was the moment I knew that I loved her. That night, when I dropped her off back at the house, I was a little surprised that no one was standing in the yard. The pattern had been broken! We parked, and I turned the car off since I was running low on gas. After talking for nearly hour, the windows to my car had completely fogged over. Andrea turned and looked at her window and said, “look, Titanic.” She then slapped her palm against the glass and smeared it across the window. It was at this point that I realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time. Number one: The fact that we had just spent a large portion of the night talking about physical boundaries in intimacy, and that it was both of our desires to wait until marriage, contrasted sharply against the reference from Titanic where Rose smeared the window in the backseat of a car during her steamy love scene with Jack. I thought it was hilarious, quick and witty. I loved her even more for it. Number two: My inner perfectionist cringed that now I was going to have to wash what had previously been a perfectly clean window—I mean, who puts hand prints on a perfectly clean window? Andrea does. And if I wanted her in my life, I was going to have to accept this. So I did. And number three: I was mortifyingly embarrassed! Why? Because there was someone in the front yard after all! No sooner than Andrea had finished recreating that iconic scene on the passenger window of my car, someone knocked on the glass from the outside, and peaked in through the finger-streaks. It was her mom! We didn’t know yet (because our windows had been fogged over), but her mom had just gotten home from dancing. She had seen us talking in the car, and walked over to say hi just as Andrea slid her hand across the window. Who knows what her mom thought was going on in that car, but since I had Titanic on my mind, I was horrified. I had only met her mom once, and I was terrified of what she’d think of me. I wasn’t that kind of guy! Andrea laughed and laughed, assuring me that everything would be fine and that her mom would think it was hilarious. Fortunately she did. But I digress. The real story here is what happened over Memorial Day weekend. Andrea’s family was having a picnic out at the lake, and it just so happened to be on the same day that my parents were having a BBQ at their house. I don’t know what made us think this was a good idea, but we decided to do both. Having never met her family (with the exception of her mom and Uncle Julio), I was a little nervous, mainly because I had no idea what they would think of me. I picked her up, and we drove for 45 minutes out to the lake. On the way, she explained to me that the family I was going to meet were mostly her extended family. Cousins of her mom, which were like Aunt’s to her, and their kids which were like cousins to her. Andrea’s actual Aunt’s and Uncles, and most of her actual cousins still lived in Colombia. Her extended family was almost as large as her immediate family! It was also almost as large as my family. This was going to be an exhausting day! And exhausting it was, but it was also a pivotal moment in our relationship. I saw Andrea’s deep, deep love for her family, and that was deeply attractive to me. I also saw their love for her, which was also very validating of my own feelings toward her. We had so much fun eating delicious food, playing games, and of course, did I mention the piñata? You know me—the last thing I ever want is for the attention to be on me. I just want to be able to blend in to the crowd and disappear. Well, try doing that when you’re a 12 foot tall gringo in a sea of 4 foot tall Colombians. I stuck out like a sore thumb—or as the say in Colombia—como un mosco en leche (like a fly in milk)! Well, it’s not a party without a piñata, and someone’s got to hang that piñata. So guess who they asked to hang it? You guessed it. The tall guy! As much as I felt like a fly in milk, her family was very kind and welcoming toward me . Everyone made me feel like I belonged right from the start! I had a blast getting to know everyone, and by the end, I felt like I’d known them my whole life. In fact, as the time with them drew to a close, I noticed my nerves were getting more and more on edge. I realized, I hadn’t been nervous to meet her family at all—the thing I had been most nervous about was her meeting MY family later that evening. What was she going to think of my mom and dad? My sisters, and brother in laws? I don’t know what I was scared of—they are lovely in every way. I guess I was just scared that she might be overwhelmed by how big and loud my family was. Everyone has strong opinions and big personalities. If anything was going to scare her away, they would! As we drove from the lake to my parents house, she commented that she was so relieved that she could finally relax. Apparently, she had been just as nervous about me meeting her family. She was afraid I would be scared of how big and loud they all were. Thankfully, both of us come from big, loud families, and we both see it as a blessing. I was so happy when she walked into the house, and my sisters and parents greeted her. Andrea went outside with my mom to meet the rest of the family, and one of my sisters gave me a thumbs up of approval. They could already tell that she was a keeper. Even my nephew, who was just a little boy at the time, was excited to meet her. But he was also very shy. He kept hiding from her and sneaking peaks from behind the plants on the patio. He later told his mom that he was happy that God had answered his prayer, and brought uncle Daniel a wife. I was happy to know I wasn’t the only one thinking of her in that way. God had indeed brought me a wife. I didn’t know how it would play out, or where, or when it would happen, but things were becoming very apparent that that’s who she was. My wife (to be). But first she needed to become my girlfriend.(posted 04-24-22)